Rejections: how to respond and what to take from them

About the numbers

The proportions run roughly: a hundred applications, ten replies, three to five conversations, one or two offers. So there will be many rejections, and that's built into the process.

Knowing it in advance helps. People most often give up in the second month, having expected different proportions and concluded the problem is them.

Why people are rejected

Reasons you'll never learn:

• They hired internally. The vacancy was opened as a formality; the candidate was known already.
• Someone experienced applied. Junior openings sometimes attract people leaving other companies.
• The position closed. Budget cancelled, plans changed.
• Details didn't line up. Time zone, willingness to come into an office, notice period.
• Something subjective. It happens, and nothing can be done.

Reasons within your control:

• Gaps in the fundamentals.
• Inability to explain your own decisions.
• The wrong field.
• Something in the conversation: interrupting, arguing, asking no questions at all.

The split is roughly even. So "a rejection is feedback" is only half true.

Asking for the reason

Always ask: some companies answer, and it's the most useful information available for free.

How to ask so they answer:

Thank you for letting me know. If possible, could you tell me what was missing — it would help me prepare. I understand you're not obliged to reply.

Short, no argument, no attempt to change their mind. That last sentence matters: it removes the tension and makes a reply likelier.

What not to do: don't dispute the rejection, don't prove you were misjudged, don't write long letters. Even if you're right, the decision won't change and your reputation will.

What to do with the answer

Look for repetition. One rejection tells you nothing. Three with the same reason is a clear indication of what to strengthen.

Keep a list. Where, when, what came back. In a month the pattern is visible; from memory it isn't.

Separate fixable from not. "Weak on database work" is fixable in a month. "We wanted someone in the office" isn't.

Not burning out

A first job search takes months, and it's more draining than the job itself: no results, no feedback, only silence.

What helps in practice:

Don't rest everything on one application. Waiting on one company costs weeks and needless anguish.

Keep building. A project during the search gives you three things: momentum, a sense that the time isn't wasted, and a new line on your CV. People who job-hunt while finishing a project last noticeably longer.

Measure the process, not the outcome. Sent five applications, met the quota. That's within your power, unlike replies.

Cap the time you spend. Two hours a day, the rest on developing. An unbounded search consumes the whole day and all your mood.

Talk to people. In chats at least. An isolated search creates the sense that only you are struggling — when in fact everyone is.

About perspective

A year into a job, this whole episode will register as a short unpleasant period. Rejections don't stay on your record: nobody but you is counting them.

And the habit of taking rejection calmly will serve you many times over — the next search will already be easier, because you'll know how it works.